Margaret Mead Japan China Religie en seks Moral panics Seks en robots De seksuele ontwikkeling van jongeren Seksualisering Leeftijdverschillen Geweld en misbruik Consent Sexting Sex trafficking Prostitutie PornografieVolgt binnenkort.
Jessica VALENTI"The lie of virginity — the idea that such a thing even exists — is ensuring that young women’s perception of themselves is inextricable from their bodies, and that their ability to be moral actors is absolutely dependent on their sexuality. It’s time to teach our daughters that their ability to be good people depends on their being good people, not on whether or not they’re sexually active."(9)
"More than 1,400 purity balls, where young girls pledge their virginity to their fathers at a promlike event, were held in 2006 (the balls are federally funded). Facebook is peppered with purity groups that exist to support girls trying to “save it.” Schools hold abstinence rallies and assemblies featuring hip-hop dancers and comedians alongside religious leaders. Virginity and chastity are reemerging as a trend in pop culture, in our schools, in the media, and even in legislation. So while young women are subject to overt sexual messages every day, they’re simultaneously being taught — by the people who are supposed to care for their personal and moral development, no less — that their only real worth is their virginity and ability to remain “pure.”" [mijn nadruk] (10)
[Wat erg! ]
"the purity myth in America underlies more misogyny than most people would like to admit."(11)
[Inderdaad ]
"When young women are taught about morality, there’s not often talk of compassion, kindness, courage, or integrity. There is, however, a lot of talk about hymens ..."(12)
"When I suggest that virginity is a lie told to women, I don’t aim to discount or make light of how important the current social idea of virginity is for some people. Culture, religion, and social beliefs influence the role that virginity and sexuality play in women’s lives — sometimes very positively. So, to be clear, when I argue for an end to the idea of virginity, it’s because I believe sexual intimacy should be honored and respected, but that it shouldn’t be revered at the expense of women’s well-being, or seen as such an integral part of female identity that we end up defining ourselves by our sexuality." [mijn nadruk] (21-22)
[Dat is wel erg voorzichtig. Wil ze bepaalde groepen niet voor het hoofd stoten? Met name patriarchale religies vormen juist de conservatieve achtergrond voor die maagdelijkheidsmythe.]
"It’s hard to know when people started caring about virginity, but we do know that men, or male-led institutions, have always been the ones that get to define and assign value to virginity."(22)
"I like to call this movement the virginity movement. And it is a movement, indeed — with conservatives and evangelical Christians at the helm, and our government, school systems, and social institutions taking orders. Composed of antifeminist think tanks like the Independent Women’s Forum and Concerned Women for America; abstinence-only “educators” and organizations; religious leaders; and legislators with regressive social values, the virginity movement is much more than just the same old sexism; it’s a targeted and well-funded backlash that is rolling back women’s rights using revamped and modernized definitions of purity, morality, and sexuality. Its goals are mired in old-school gender roles, and the tool it’s using is young women’s sexuality. (...) And, like it or not, the members of the virginity movement are the people who are defining virginity — and, to a large extent, sexuality — in America. "(23)
"For women especially, virginity has become the easy answer — the morality quick fix. You can be vapid, stupid, and unethical, but so long as you’ve never had sex, you’re a “good” (i.e., “moral”) girl and therefore worthy of praise. (...) Idolizing virginity as a stand-in for women’s morality means that nothing else matters — not what we accomplish, not what we think, not what we care about and work for. Just if/how/whom we have sex with. That’s all." [mijn nadruk] (24)
"And no one embodies the “perfect” young American woman like beauty queens. They’re pretty, overwhelmingly white, thin, and eager to please. And, of course, pageant queens are supposed to be as pure as pure can be. In fact, until 1999, the Miss America pageant had a “purity rule” that barred divorced women and those who had obtained abortions from entering the contest — lest they sully the competition, I suppose." [mijn nadruk] (28)
"The desirable virgin is sexy but not sexual. She’s young, white, and skinny. She’s a cheerleader, a baby sitter; she’s accessible and eager to please (remember those ethics of passivity!). She’s never a woman of color. She’s never a low-income girl or a fat girl. She’s never disabled. “Virgin” is a designation for those who meet a certain standard of what women, especially younger women, are supposed to look like. As for how these young women are supposed to act? A blank slate is best." [mijn nadruk] (30)
"Not so shockingly to those of us who do feminist and progressive political work, the conservative, religious right has been at the center of keeping women’s bodies on the market. The backlash against women’s rights over the past three decades has ranged from rolling back our reproductive rights to launching antisexuality scare-tactic campaigns — all part of a larger concerted effort desperately seeking a return to traditional gender roles. Make no mistake about it — these efforts are at the heart of the virginity movement and its goals." [mijn nadruk] (31)
"Take, for example, Virginity Vouchers. Sold to abstinence educators as abstinence commitment cards to hand out to students, these vouchers, which look much like credit cards, feature a background image of a bride and groom with the words VIRGINITY VOUCHER: DON’T BUY THE LIE, SAVE SEX FOR MARRIAGE emblazoned across it."(31)
"Abstinence-only education (see Chapter 5), which receives more than $178 million a year in federal funding, is chock full of lessons like these that tell students that female sexuality is a “gift,” “precious,” and something to “save.”" [mijn nadruk] (32)
[Ja, van de scheiding van kerk en staat hebben ze daar nog nooit gehoord. ]
"The notion of secondary virginity — that you can regain your spiritual and emotional purity by pledging abstinence until marriage, no matter what your sexual history — first became popular in the mid-1980s among conservative Christian groups. Also called born-again virginity, the notion is widespread in Christian programs for young people, abstinence-only education, and even pop culture." [mijn nadruk] (34)
"The purity that the virginity movement is working so hard for is more of an illusion than it would like to own up to. Teens who make these pledges often do so in front of church members, peers, parents, and community leaders, and oftentimes they have no real choice in the matter. It’s not as if many twelve- to fourteen-year-olds are going to be self-assured enough to refuse to take a chastity vow. (“No thanks, Mom, I’d like to keep my sexual options open!”) These pledges are little more than cultural farces created to make parents feel better about their children’s coming of age. And, frankly, parents who buy into the purity myth need some hope; after all, mainstream media would have them believe that their daughters are going wild and are perhaps irredeemably tainted (more on this in Chapter 2)." [mijn nadruk] (37)
[Erg humoristisch :-) ]
"What’s most telling about all of these efforts, whether they’re being executed via education, religion, or social imperatives, is that they’re not working — at least, not in the ways the movement would like them to. Virginity pledges have proved ineffective time and time again; the same is true of abstinence-only education." [mijn nadruk] (38)
" The messages that sex for anything other than procreation makes women used goods are disproportionately targeted toward girls and young women, but the impact they have on boys and young men is equally harmful. While girls internalize this message, boys are propagating and enforcing it."(42)
"Sex for pleasure, for fun, or even for building relationships is completely absent from our national conversation. Yet taking the joy out of sexuality is a surefire way to ensure not that young women won’t have sex, but rather that they’ll have it without pleasure." [mijn nadruk] (43)
"Young women of color, who are so hypersexualized in American culture that they’re rarely positioned as “the virgin” in the virginity movement or elsewhere, are largely absent from discourse concerning chastity. How can you be “pure” if you are seen as dirty to begin with?"(45)
[Het zijn dus ook nog racistische opvattingen.]
"Like Shalit, Stepp wants her readers to believe that what young women really want is to get married, have babies, and bake cookies."(52)
"Outside of pathologizing female sexuality, there’s another stark similarity between this spate of recent books and most literature on chastity and virginity: Lesbian women don’t exist, nor does sex for pleasure. These two issues are highly connected in their absence from the virginity movement’s conversations, because they speak to the same issue: Sex is okay only when it’s happening with your husband. Therefore, women who are having lesbian sex and women who are engaging in sex for the pleasure of it simply don’t register. After all, why even acknowledge sexuality that has nothing to do with traditional gender roles? It’s not part of their goals for women, so they simply don’t exist." [mijn nadruk] (56)
"All of the above-mentioned authors, along with much of the media covering these imagined girls going wild, have arrived at similar conclusions about what cultural culprit is to blame for all of this sexuality gone wild: feminism."(56)
"Teens, too, are having sex — and a lot more responsibly than we give them credit for. They’re using contraception more than ever, and teen pregnancy rates have been steadily dropping since the early 1990s, thanks to increased contraceptive use. (Of course, abstinence proponents have tried to take credit for this decline, failing to note that the decrease in teen pregnancy preceded funding for abstinence-only education.)"(59)
"And regarding the claim that hookup culture is running rampant across America, it’s simply not true — at least, not to the extent that extremists would have you believe it is. Young women are still forming short- and long-term relationships, and they’re still dating, getting married, and having children. Just because they feel less stigmatized doesn’t mean that they’re out having sex willy-nilly. It’s just another figment of the virginity movement’s very active (and sexually obsessed) imagination. It’s telling Americans what they want to hear — salacious stories about young girls having lots and lots of sex — under the rhetoric of helping women." [mijn nadruk] (60)
" In 2006, Playboy listed Lolita, Vladimir Nabokov’s novel about a pedophile who falls in lust with his landlady’s twelve- year-old daughter, as one of the “25 Sexiest Novels Ever Written.” I love Nabokov and I thought Lolita was brilliant. But sexy? Seducing a twelve-year-old?" [mijn nadruk] (62)
[Weer eens de verkeerde weergave. Lolita verleidt hem net zo goed en had op die leeftijd al seks gehad. Het boek wel goed lezen dan ... ]
"But this isn’t news. Most of us are aware of how subject girls are to inappropriate sexual attention, and how younger and younger women are presented as sex objects in the media. What is news, though, is how this sexualization is coming from someplace other than an easy-to-blame hypersexualized pop culture — it’s also coming from the virginity movement. After all, the “perfect virgin” is at the center of the movement’s rhetoric, and its goals revolve largely around convincing girls that the only way to be pure is to abstain from sex. This means there’s an awful lot of talk about young girls’ sexuality in the movement, from T-shirts like the one quoted above to abstinence classes to purity balls. By focusing on the virginity of young women and girls, the movement is doing exactly what it purports to abhor — objectifying women and reducing them to their sexuality." [mijn nadruk] (62)
"Case in point: Bratz dolls, provocative Halloween costumes, and panty-less pop singers dominate public discourse and outrage, while even more obvious (and, arguably, more dangerous) sexualization of girls — like trafficking, rape, and child pornography — isn’t given nearly the same amount of attention. It’s no coincidence that these more serious issues are ones that overwhelmingly affect low-income girls, girls of color, and young women who don’t match the American virginal ideal."(62-63)
"Touting girls and girlhood as ideal forms of sexuality is simply another way of advancing the notion that to be desirable, women need to be un-adults — young, naive, and impressionable. Being independent, assured, and grown up has no place in this disconcerting model. The virginity movement is fighting sexualization with more sexualization — we just don’t always recognize it as such because it’s shrouded in language about modesty, purity, and protection." [mijn nadruk] (65)
"A similar theme woven through both purity culture and pop culture is the valorizing of “innocence” in girls — simply a sly way of focusing on virginity yet again. This idea has been popping up in specific controversies, and it reeks of feigned concern." [mijn nadruk] (70)
"Charlotte Allen, of the antifeminist organization the Independent Women’s Forum, wrote that the HPV vaccine gives girls the message that “it’s just fine for them to have all the sex they want, ‘cuz now they’ll be vaccinated!” Bridget Maher, of the Family Research Council, said that giving girls the vaccine is harmful because “they may see it as a license to engage in premarital sex.” Dozens of other conservative pundits and organizations repeated the sentiment. I rarely quote Bill Maher, but he was right on when he noted, “It’s like saying if you give a kid a tetanus shot, she’ll want to jab rusty nails in her feet.”" [mijn nadruk] (71)
" Over the last two decades, the valorizing of youth and youth culture has hit women particularly hard. Women want to be young — often at too high a cost. Take vaginal rejuvenation, the fastest-growing form of plastic surgery in the United States, and probably the best example of how women are expected to be girls — and not just girls, but virginal girls."(73)
Noot p74
" It occurs to me that when this surgery is performed on women in Africa, we call it female genital mutilation, but in the oh-so-enlightened United States, we call them designer vaginas. You know, because American women are empowered."
"There is little doubt that pornography is pervasive in America — from Internet porn to porn star shirts for preteens, we’re simply inundated with it."(82)
"By erasing any nuance and complexity from conversations about porn and sexuality, the virginity movement gives young women only two choices of who they can be sexually: sluts or not sluts. While the first choice doesn’t seem attractive, I can guarantee you that most young women are going to go with the option that allows them to have sex. And there’s no in-between identity for young women who are making smart, healthy choices in their sexual lives." [mijn nadruk] (83)
"There is no doubt that mainstream pornography, like most pop culture, is problematic when it comes to the way women are represented and treated. As Robert Jensen wrote in Getting Off: Pornography and the End of Masculinity, “Pornography as a mirror shows us how men see women. Not all men, of course — but the ways in which many men who accept the conventional conception of masculinity see women. It’s unsettling to look in that mirror.”" [mijn nadruk] (85)
"It’s hard to argue with Jensen’s contention that the majority of gonzo pornography is made with women’s debasement in mind."(86)
" It’s a sad state of affairs when some men would rather form intimate “relationships” with plastic dolls that can’t reciprocate affection, engage in conversation, or do anything, really, than take the time to get to know actual women. (With pesky things like opinions and personalities, who wants to bother?)"(88)
"But the obsession with celebrity bimbos, as Levy calls them, and the struggle to be considered hot perpetuate the same fetishization of women that the virginity movement is built on. What’s the difference between ven- erating women for being fuckable and putting them on a purity pedestal? In both cases, women’s worth is contingent upon their ability to please men and to shape their sexual identities around what men want."(91)
"To start with, we must abandon the idea that women’s bodies are inherently shameful, and that women’s sexuality needs to be restricted."(97)
"Abstinence-only education — which includes sex education curricula, speakers like Stenzel and friends, peer educators, and various kinds of abstinence events — is arguably the virginity movement’s most successful venture to date. It’s widespread, well funded, and becoming more and more mainstream — but not without consequences. The pervasiveness of abstinence-only programs ensures that a generation of young Americans has been indoctrinated not only with messages about how wrong, dirty, and immoral premarital sex is, but also with subjective — and often false — information: that contraception is ineffective (and sometimes dangerous), abortion is wrong, and any sexual activity outside of marriage is likely to make them diseased, poor, depressed, and suicidal."(102)
"Many of the young people I’ve spoken to — whether via email, through Feministing.com, or on college campuses — have told me how abstinence programs use fear- and shame-based tactics to spread their misinformation." [mijn nadruk] (103)
"Sadly, these young women’s experiences aren’t anomalous. It’s not only oddball teachers who are lying to and intimidating students; these tactics are written into schools’ curricula. A 2004 report from Representative Henry Waxman (D-CA) indicated that over 80 percent of federally funded abstinence programs contain false or misleading information about sex and reproductive health. " [mijn nadruk] (104)
"Making women the sexual gatekeepers and telling men they just can’t help themselves not only drives home the point that women’s sexuality is un- natural, but also sets up a disturbing dynamic in which women are expected to be responsible for men’s sexual behavior."(108)
"Other young people suffering under these discriminatory teachings are LGBTQ youth, who are outright ignored or ostracized. Queer sexuality is not discussed at all; in fact, federal guidelines for abstinence-only programs make even mentioning gay sex near impossible."(109)
"Abstinence-only education seeks to create a world where everyone is straight, women are relegated to the home, the only appropriate family is a nuclear one, reproductive choices are negated, and the only sex people have is for procreation." [mijn nadruk] (111)
"So who are these elusive leaders of the virginity movement? The major players are the Abstinence Clearinghouse and the National Abstinence Education Association (NAEA). They’re the leading lobbyists, organizations, and providers of “educational” material in the United States. And while proponents of abstinence education run the gamut from legislators to community leaders, it’s large organizations like these, and their powerful ties to conservative Christian think tanks (and more), that make them so very influential." [mijn nadruk] (113)
"These organizations and leaders have strong ties to the anti-choice movement and conservative Christian groups. They have no place in public schools, yet the power they wield over American youth, even in our public schools, is a little more than unnerving."(115)
"This abstinence-only world is a far cry from reality (residing somewhere in Oz, perhaps?), and not even close to what people want for themselves and their children. According to a study published in Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine, 82 percent of Americans support programs that teach contraception as well as abstinence, and half of all Americans oppose abstinence-only education altogether. Even among those who describe themselves as conservatives, 70 percent support comprehensive sex education."(116)
"Because of “refusal clause” laws (also called “conscience clause” laws) — which exist in some form in forty-seven states — healthcare providers, including doctors, pharmacists, and nurses, can deny women access to medication, procedures, or even referrals if the providers object morally to what’s being asked of them. The laws are a tremendous win for the virginity movement, which believes that any form of contraception is wrong." [mijn nadruk] (122)
"As Page points out, the anti-choice movement (whose agenda is so similar to the virginity movement’s that the two seem inextricably linked) is hell-bent not only on stopping women from using any form of contraception, but also on stopping them from having sex before marriage. Abortion is just one small part of a much larger goal."(126)
"If you take some time to sift through the rhetoric of caring for women, “life,” and concern for young women’s sexual health, what you’ll find in this type of legislation is actually quite simple: an underlying fear of women’s sexuality, an overwhelming need to control it, and an undercurrent of paternalism suggesting that women need protection from themselves — even if that means enforcing punitive measures to drive the point home. (...) While many — if not most — laws and policies concerning women’s bodies reveal a fear of female sexuality, several stand out in the crowd." [mijn nadruk] (127-128)
Beschrijving van het gedoe rondom de 'morning-after pill'. Zoals gewoonlijk wordt anticonceptie door tegenstanders altijd neergezet als dat het promiscuïteit van (jonge) vrouwen bevordert.
"Another disturbing legislative theme hurting women — again, young women especially — is the widespread notion that women can’t be trusted to make their own decisions."(131)
"This kind of thinly veiled condescension is also evident in the earlier mentioned trend of pharmacists’ refusing to give women contraception. The pharmacist assumes he knows best, ignoring the decision made between a woman and her doctor. Not only is this invasive and presumptuous — it’s also sometimes illegal."(136)
"Pharmacists for Life International, a group of extremist anti-choice pharmacists, are even organizing to make it easier to deny women contraceptives — and the ideology behind their actions is steeped in patronization."(137)
"Behind all this paternalism is a simple distrust of women. The virginity movement doesn’t just believe that women can’t be trusted to make decisions about their bodies — it believes men can make those decisions better." [mijn nadruk] (137)
"Across the United States, a scourge of rape and violence against women is going unpunished and unnoticed. One in six women will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime; young women are four times more likely to be attacked. But instead of these statistics’ and these horrifying stories’ being a national scandal, and instead of the media and government being up in arms over the epidemic of violence that women are facing, the reaction is largely silence — or, even worse, blame."(146)
"Devaluing women who have had sex is behind much of the institutionalized victim blaming that’s so pervasive in America. The media in particular is one of the worst offenders; its coverage of violence against women gives us an uncomfortable glimpse into how widespread the purity myth actually is, and how it normalizes rape and violence." [mijn nadruk] (147-148)
"Now, should we treat women as independent agents, responsible for themselves? Of course. But being responsible has nothing to do with being raped. Women don’t get raped because they were drinking or took drugs. Women do not get raped because they weren’t careful enough. Women get raped because someone raped them. "(151)
"But a woman need not be a sex worker to be blamed for her rape; having any sexual history at all can do the trick. Under the purity myth, the only women who can truly be raped are those who are chaste — and given how limiting the purity myth is, and how few women actually fit into its tight mold, the consequence is that most women are seen as incapable of being raped."(157)
"The rates of sexualized violence against women of color in the United States are far higher than those regarding white women. In fact, violence against white women is actually declining, while it continues to increase among women of color."(157)
"The language we use to talk about violence is quite literally being taken away from us. "(162)
"I’ve thought often about why — why?! — anyone, especially other women, would try to disrupt feminist work that combats violence. What in the world could be the point of that? The only reason I’ve come up with — and I think it makes sense — is fear of becoming that “impure” woman. Women who rail against feminism, like those at IWF, work hard to present themselves as “pure,” whether it’s through promoting abstinence-only education and decrying hookup culture or kowtowing to conservative men’s agenda for women. It’s a survival technique: If they can paint other women as “impure,” then they’re safe from criticism. It’s a lot easier to attack other women, after all, than it is to attack a sexist society. Unfortunately, antifeminists are the only ones who benefit from their version of working on women’s behalf; in reality, they put other women at risk and fail to solve any larger problems.
I truly believe that the drift toward blaming feminism is the most telling shift in this national dialogue. Blaming feminism, blaming women’s equality, for rape reveals the crux of the issue. Because it’s not concern that’s driving media coverage of women’s drinking too much — it’s sexism. If it weren’t, we’d be seeing dozens of news stories about the epidemic of young men binge drinking, blacking out, getting into fights, and raping women. But in our supposedly gender-equal world, pointing out these inconsistencies and double standards means ruining the utopian image Americans are so attached to. You’re just whining — things are fine! Look how far women have come! " [mijn nadruk] (164-165)
[Dat geldt in ieder geval voor Mona Charen.]
"The message is clear: In order to be a man, one must avoid being feminine at all costs. In fact, the best way to be a man is to simply not be a woman. This oppositional definition of masculinity isn’t limited to commercials, of course — it’s everywhere."(168)
"The fear of being feminine — something Stephen J. Ducat, author of The Wimp Factor: Gender Gaps, Holy Wars, and the Politics of Anxious Masculinity, calls “femiphobia”— is fundamental to America’s current understanding of masculinity."(168)
"This fear of women, this fear of being like women — even just a little bit — is at the heart of most misogyny in the United States. By fostering a culture that sees femininity and women as not just less than men, but also less than human, femiphobia is at the heart of enabling social sexism like the sexual double standard, political sexism that relies on paternalism in policy, and even violence against women."(170)
"The notion that women are the sexual gatekeepers and men the potential crashers is widespread not just in the virginity movement, but in mainstream American culture. The idea is that women are supposed to do all they can to limit men’s access to female sexuality (and women themselves, really), and men are meant to do all they can to convince women otherwise."(173)
"Author Michael Kimmel reveals in his book Guyland: The Perilous World Where Boys Become Men that this kind of sexuality — the point of which is to revel in dominance and “seduction,” which can become predatory — is par for the course among young men. And it’s not just what’s defining their sexuality, it’s what’s defining them as men."(174)
"As much as the virginity movement is based on the idea that a woman’s worth is dependent on her sexuality, it’s also mired in the belief that traditional masculinity is superior and its preservation is necessary. In fact, the movement is so concerned about maintaining the masculinity status quo that it’s staging an imaginary backlash. Organizations, pundits, and purity-pushing academics are up in arms about the supposed feminization and destruction of American men. And while a national crisis regarding masculinity is undoubtedly happening, it has nothing to do with feminization — hypermasculinity and femiphobia are hurting men. But questioning these norms means disrupting the gender power balance, something the virginity movement just won’t have." [mijn nadruk] (176)
"In order to please men like Mansfield, and to be accepted by women like Parker and Crouse, women need to be “women”: passive, chaste, and accepting of male dominance and superiority. So while virginity-movement operatives continue to promote the idea that men and masculinity are somehow in trouble, it’s clear that what’s really endangered are the patriarchal standards that they’re so attached to. That’s why feminism is always to blame. These books, articles, and arguments aren’t a defense against an assault on masculinity — they’re an offensive attack on progressive social change that allows women to be complex human beings, rather than purity-princess automatons." [mijn nadruk] (180)
"Michael Males, a writer and senior researcher at the Center on Juvenile and Criminal Justice in California, dissected these statistics and others for an essay in the forthcoming anthology Beating Up On Girls: Girls, Violence, Demonization and Denial. Males reports that young women are smoking, drinking, and using drugs less today than in the past, and at older ages. He also debunks ever- pervasive hooking-up fears:" [mijn nadruk] (190)
"But girls who are succeeding don’t make for good headlines, and they certainly don’t allow for the moral panic that facilitates the control the virginity movement would like to have over young women’s lives."(191)
"Statistics show that sexually active young people are doing a lot better than purity advocates would have us think. Gone are the anecdotes about depression, falling grades, and shame. The real world of young sexuality is one in which young people are capable of making safe and responsible decisions, which requires that we trust them enough to give them the information they need to do so."(191-192)
"The bad news is that despite these victories, the United States still has higher rates of teen pregnancy, abortion, and birth than other industrialized nations. This problem is largely socioeconomic, as lower-income teens are more likely to get pregnant. In fact, nearly 60 percent of teen girls who have children are living in poverty, in part because poor teens are less likely to use or have access to contraception."(192)
"I believe that we should arm young women with the knowledge that sex should be a collaborative, pleasurable experience that has no bearing on whether they are ethical people. Instead, the fact that sex is supposed to be pleasurable is often omitted from sex talks with teen girls. (...) We’re living in a time when simply talking about women’s pleasure is taboo in itself and is considered dangerous by the virginity movement, since that kind of discussion frees women’s sexuality from its restrictive only-for-procreation, only-when-married, only-when-straight boundaries." [mijn nadruk] (196)
"For too long, we’ve ceded the language of morality to conservatives, and it’s time we took it back. There is nothing morally upstanding about fetishizing young girls’ virginity through abstinence-only education and purity balls. There is nothing moral about virginity pledges—just the opposite, in fact." [mijn nadruk] (200)
"The good news, however, is that challenging a culture that respects young women so little doesn’t have to be a larger-than-life mission. We can chip away at it, bit by bit. Even better news is that a lot of Americans already are! They’re organizing, blogging, getting together, and fighting back on many of the issues in this book. And you can, too."(204)
"Creating new media and getting online are just two pieces of the larger struggle. We have to get more organized — because the virginity movement is not only well funded but also extremely well organized. As I wrote in Chapter 5, we are making strides against abstinence-only education — states are refusing funding and making comprehensive sex education a priority — but that doesn’t mean we’re out of the woods." [mijn nadruk] (206)
"I have a similar challenge for those of us who are trying to dismantle the purity myth: Let us continue to tell the truth about what this myth means for young women, and to address our opponents not with derision and hate, but with understanding. Because for every person I’ve met who believes fully in the purity myth, I’ve met another who simply needed to hear the truth, compassionately and without their being judged, in order to break free from it."(213-214)
[Dat is wel erg vriendelijk en optimistisch ... ]