(2) Introduction

"What is going on? How can we make sense of this bizarre and jarring contradiction between the behavior sold to girls as good and the very bad consequences for them when they emulate their role models? This contradiction is not simply the result of celebrity culture running amok. Reality is running amok. Because it is in reality, not only on some Hollywood set or in the media, that “sluts” are put on a pedestal one moment and then spat upon the next. How has this happened?"(6)

"It’s not incorrect to blame “the Internet,” but we have to be clear about what we mean. Blaming “the Internet” is like blaming “culture” or “the patriarchy” for sexist behavioral norms. We need to understand all the dynamics — online and offline — in the new sexual landscape for young females."(7)

"A decade later, a survey conducted by the American Association of University Women found that three-quarters of girls in grades eight through eleven nationwide were sexually harassed in school through name-calling, jokes, gestures, and looks." [mijn nadruk] (11)

[Ik kan me dat bijna niet voorstellen. Zoveel haat en nijd op die leeftijd?]

"The book’s main point was that any adolescent girl, even if she had zero sexual experience, could become a target for being labeled a slut or ho. In Slut!, I described four groups of girls who were most at risk: early developers and others perceived to be sexually active; girls who were different from their peers in some way; objects of jealousy; and rape victims. I connected slut-bashing with the sexual double standard and explained why this particular form of harassment leads to the sexual policing of all females, whether or not they have been personally targeted. Above all, I showed that a girl called a slut or ho often was targeted not because she was sexually active but because she was socially vulnerable in some way."(12)

"The term “slut-shaming” has crept into the feminist vernacular during the last decade to describe a multiplicity of ways in which females are called to task for their real, presumed, or imagined sexuality. “Slut-shaming” is a useful descriptor because today much slut-labeling does not take the form of bullying or harassment. In this book, I distinguish between acts of slut-bashing and acts of slut-shaming. Although both are harmful, they should not be conflated, because, as we will see, they operate quite differently."(14)

"... the concept of “sluttiness” is grounded in sexist and specious ideas about femininity, even when “slut” or “ho” is used in a seemingly lighthearted or even defiant manner."(15)

"No, the real problem is the sexual double standard, a bundle of sexist presuppositions that structures the behaviors of many of us in Western society. To understand how the sexual double standard operates in the surveillance-saturated theater in which we now live, I spoke at length and in depth with fifty-five girls and women in North America, primarily between the ages of fourteen and twenty-two."(18)

"Not a single positive result comes from labeling a girl or woman a slut or ho. An environment in which these labels are acceptable leads only to harmful consequences:
•   It suggests to girls and women that their primary value comes from being sexually desirable and available. Yet paradoxically, “slut” also signifies that being sexually desirable and available reduce a female’s worth. From every angle, females are evaluated through a sexual prism.
•     It props up a rape culture in which many people, men and women alike, believe that coercing a female to perform sexual acts she doesn’t want to do, or to which she can’t say no, is unproblematic. If a female is sexually assaulted, she is said to deserve it because she’s, well, a slut.
•     It leads girls and women to engage in self-destructive behaviors such as drug use and abuse, disordered eating, disordered sexual behavior, and suicide attempts.
•     It compromises the sexual health of girls and women because they feel inhibited from using contraceptives and even from making an appointment with a health care provider, leading to unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases."(20-21)

(21) Chapter 1 - What’s the Same, What’s Different

"The “slut” often was singled out because she was an early developer and therefore had the physique of an adult woman; others (classmates as well as adults) assumed that if she looked sexual, she must be sexual. Even when the school “slut” was sexually active, often she wasn’t any more so than her peers."(22)

"I recognize that some individual girls and women feel empowered when they call themselves and their friends sluts on their own terms. Nevertheless, in the pages that follow I question whether this usage is an effective feminist strategy when employed on a large scale."(27)

"In short, the label “slut” is far more common, and utterly more confusing, than ever before. But one thing has not changed: regardless of context, the consequences of being labeled a slut are nearly always damaging. As we’ll see, whether the context is slut-bashing, slut-shaming, or even slut-reclaiming, calling a girl or a woman a slut reinforces sexist norms. “Slut” is best regarded as a toxic four-letter word that should be quarantined if not buried."(28)

"This outcome does not mean that females should avoid sexual expression. We should be comfortable with our sexual bodies and sexual desire, and we should be able to express our sexuality in a developmentally and situationally appropriate manner. But we need to rethink our methods and strategies."(29)

"“Slut” is a product of the sexual double standard—the mind-set that males are expected to be sexually active, even in an uncontrolled manner, while females are supposed to police themselves (and other females) to remain minimally sexual. The sexual double standard creates physical and emotional danger for females. Only girls, not boys, are mistreated for being allegedly “too” sexual within a heterosexual context."(31)

"For at least the last two and a half centuries, white women have been expected to be sexually chaste or monogamous; therefore, their “bad” sluttiness is scandalous because it’s a violation of normative behavior. Before the late 1700s, British women were thought to be more sexually desirous than men. As the middle class rose in England and America during the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, marriage became central to bourgeois society. A shift from the extended family to the nuclear family occurred against the backdrop of evangelical Protestantism and the emerging capitalist and individualistic economy. The family unit became a microcosm of the authoritarian state, and gendered spheres of activity solidified, leading to subordination of women within marriage. The unequal distribution of power within the new romantic marriage led to a new way of thinking of male and female sexuality: men were naturally aggressive while women were inherently passive. Jaclyn Geller, a literature professor and the author of the book Here Comes the Bride, a critique of marriage and the wedding industry, notes the significance of the Hardwicke Marriage Act, passed in Britain in 1753. This legislation stipulated that weddings had to be public and ceremonial. Marriages became formalized and regulated by the state. Sexually active women in Britain as well as the colonies who were not wives became regarded as immoral. Wives themselves were also expected to curb their sexual desires. Nancy Cott, a historian, has called this sexual ideology “passionlessness.” This dominant view was that white women “lacked sexual aggressiveness, that their sexual appetites contributed a very minor part (if any at all) to their motivations, that lustfulness was simply uncharacteristic.” A slut was a white woman who deviated from the ideal. Women of color, however, have been presumed by white people since at least the 1600s to lack the moral and sexual restraint that white women are thought to possess. The stereotype of white female chastity stands in opposition to a stereotype of black female carnality." [mijn nadruk] (31-32)

[Goede samenvatting van de historische ontwikkeling. de samenhang met het kapitalisme wordt zelfs genoemd.]

"Regardless of the orientation or gender identity of the girl labeled a slut, she is pushed to conform to heterosexual norms. Slut-bashing and slut-shaming are therefore not only sexist but heterosexist as well."(35)

"This is a common motif: the “slut” identity is more about one’s attitude (or perceived attitude) than actual sexual behavior. After all, if a girl has sex with a boyfriend, she is not regarded as a slut. Sexual activity per se does not a slut make."(41)

"Repeatedly, my interviewees explained that they must prove to their peers that they are sexually sophisticated and knowing. Revealing oneself as a “prude” or sexually ignorant — girls as well as boys — is the kiss of social death. It means not keeping up, not developing properly, not being normal. Therefore, many girls and young women deliberately construct an identity in which they perform as a sexually empowered female to an audience of their peers, just as many boys and young men feel pressured by norms of masculinity to brag about sexual adventures." [mijn nadruk] (45)

[Dat die sociale druk er is begrijp ik. Maar waarom wil iedereen er zo graag bijhoren of eenbepaalde indruk maken? Waarom is er zo weinig zelfvertrouwen dat je doet wat je zelf wilt dat je doet? Ik begrijp dat niet. ]

"Viewing online photographs of other females, together with leaving comments and “likes,” leads to insecurity and competitiveness. Invariably, judgment about girls’ “sluttines” comes into play."(52)

"The only way to end slut-bashing and slut-shaming is to change the environment in which these actions flourish so that the behavior no longer makes sense. This is a far more difficult task than simply instituting zero-tolerance policies for verbal and physical sexual harassment and sexual assault, although such policies are important and necessary. But let’s be honest: we are not going to achieve this feminist utopia in which the sexual double standard has been eradicated any time in the near future, although we must continue to work toward it. In the meantime, our wisest move is to demonstrate to girls and women that when they refer to themselves and others as sluts or hos, they are hurting themselves as well as others." [mijn nadruk] (55)

[Dat lijkt me een realistisch standpunt. ]

(55) Chapter 2 - Are You a “Good Slut” or a “Bad Slut”?

De etymologie van het woord 'slut' wordt uitgewerkt.

"The literal meaning of the word as a woman who didn’t restrain her home or appearance by keeping them tidy transformed into a metaphorical meaning of a woman who didn’t restrain her sexuality. Being sloppy in matters of cleanliness was akin to being untidy in matters of sexuality. This linguistic transformation occurred at the same time that the sexual ideology of passionlessness for women became ascendant."(60)

"These entries in the Oxford English Dictionary demonstrate that “slut” is the site of an intersection of gender, class, and race. For over six hundred years, “slut” has referred exclusively to working or poor white women. None of the historical literary usages refers to upper-class or noble white women, or to women of color of any socioeconomic status. " [mijn nadruk] (61)

"The word “slut” as a shorthand for a woman who fails to live up to the feminine ideals of chastity would not have applied to black women under slavery, who by default were believed by white people to be unfeminine to begin with."(63)

"There have been several high-profile challenges to “slut” as a derogatory term over the last twenty-five years.(66)"

"So is the word “slut” finally rehabilitated? Not in most corners of the United States, where the pejorative meanings of “slut” and “ho” predominate. Since the 1990s, parties known as “Pimps and Hos” began springing up on college campuses. Guys dress up like pimps, women wear outfits to look like sex workers, and the understanding is that the guys have permission to treat the women like sexual objects."(68)

"The girl now recognizes that sexual equality does not in fact yet exist in practice. When a girl and boy are identically sexually active, only the girl is treated punitively."(88)

"“Normal” females are supposed to want romance, not sex for its own sake. Choosing to be sexual purely for the sake of the sex — being a sexual agent — is not considered naturally feminine. It is an expression of pure confidence, and stereotypical femininity at some level is supposed to encompass neediness."(93)

"A “good slut” is sexy yet not oversexualized. Preferably she has only one sexual partner, although her peers reserve the right to set a standard allowing her more than one, or none at all, provided that she’s low-key about it. She knows how to present herself as sexually knowing, yet she does not appear needy or desperate.
On the other hand, a “bad slut” violates expectations of feminine norms. She exercises sexual agency. She has sex outside the permitted boundaries established by her peers. She actively provokes male sexual attention, including that of guys with other girlfriends or hookup partners. She exposes the reality that being sexy is a deliberate performance that is unnatural, difficult, and requires serious effort. For her sins, she must be punished." [mijn nadruk] (101)

(101) Chapter 3 - Slut-Bashing: Face-to-Face and in Cyberspace

"Agency is a critical element of the sexual double standard, in which only girls, never boys, are called to task for their real or presumed sexual aggression." [mijn nadruk] (104)

"What does it feel like when the kids you see every day in school are making jokes at your expense, often right in your face; calling you vulgar names on social media sites so that everyone can see; and shunning you socially at athletic games and after-school club meetings?"(105)

[Dat hangt er van af hoeveel zelfvertrouwen je hebt, lijkt mij. ]

"Calling a girl a slut in school often is an act of bullying that may be characterized as abuse."(107)

"Oksana used the word “drama” to demonstrate simultaneously that she was slut-bashed and that she’s a tough girl. “Drama” is a vehicle for taking agency or ownership over a horrible situation. Downplaying the events as drama shows that a girl is not a blubbering victim. She is confident; she can handle the situation. But regardless of the language they use to describe slut-bashing, the reality is that most girls can’t handle it." [mijn nadruk] (112)

[Is dat laatste op onderzoek gebaseerd?]

"Disconnecting from the Internet isn’t a viable solution, since that means disconnecting from social life completely."(112)

[Dat is niet hetzelfde als niet op sociale media zitten. Juist dat zou een goede keuze kunnen zijn. Maar wie dat kan moet natuurlijk al wel zelfvertrouwen hebben. En het blokken van personen is natuurlijk ook een goed idee, maar misschien kon dat nog niet toen dit boek geschreven werd. Ook moet er eens aandacht besteden worden aan die zo Amerikaanse populariteitscultuur. Een school zou kunnen stoppen met de Queens en Kings en al die belachelijke populariteitswedstrijdjes. ]

"Slut-bashers are also strengthened by the Internet and mobile communication. Hiding behind the anonymity of the technology, their impulse to bully is fueled by the knowledge that no matter how coarse and abusive they are, they can’t be tracked down. They may regret their actions after the fact; but once comments are sent, they can be endlessly mass-forwarded, posted online, and linked to multiple sites. Completely scrubbing away the names, photos, and comments about an individual girl may become impossible. Even when an online comment is deleted, it’s never really eliminated."(113)

"Why do teenagers appear to have a relentless desire to categorize girls sexually? Because they (as we all do) live and breathe under the regime of the sexual double standard.
Yes, the sexual double standard exists even today. On the face of it, this claim may seem ludicrous. After all, many women are exceedingly open about their sexuality, and from afar it may appear that they face no consequences for doing so."(121)

[Een onbegrijpelijke opmerking. Nogal naïef. Die dubbele standaard is nog overal, en niet alleen rondom seksualiteit.]

"But in the meanwhile, no matter what a female does sexually, she is judged in a way that males are not. Boys will be boys . . . and girls will be “sluts.” And now we even have the research to prove it." [mijn nadruk] (124)

"If the circumstances are favorable to women — including being free of stigma — women and men behave similarly. Thus the sexual double standard should cease, because it is built on the assumption that males want sex more than females as a result of biological differences." [mijn nadruk] (128)

"The sexual double standard at its core is a narrative about agency: Girls are supposed to hide the fact that they are going after what they want, especially if what they want is sexual pleasure." [mijn nadruk] (129)

"Are you seeing a pattern here? Girl and boy engage in a sexual act; girl is harassed, her life is worsened; boy’s life continues as before, if not improved."(132)

"At first, what jumps out from this story is how arbitrary slut-bashing can appear. If both girls were known to be sexually active, why was Vicki, and not her sister, targeted? Is slut-bashing mercurial? In fact, there is a logic behind it. Vicki was targeted because she came across as desperate while her sister appeared calm, cool, confident, and controlled. Vicki’s sexual agency was suspect because she was perceived to have overplayed her hand. She appeared insecure, and her agency was too visible." [mijn nadruk] (137)

"Although I have found that most slut-bashers in schools are girls, boys also participate. Sometimes a boy threatens to spread a “slut” reputation if a girl breaks up with him."(149)

"When boys slut-bash, they position themselves in relation to the “slut” to prop up their own masculinity just as slut-bashing girls position themselves to prop up their own femininity."(151)

(159) Chapter 4 - Reciprocal Slut-Shaming: Sexual Identity in an Online World

"Before social media, there was no ambiguity when someone called a girl a slut. She knew she was being insulted, bullied, harassed, or abused. But today, “slut” is often a casual, reciprocated greeting among peers."(159)

"Girls and women are saying that they “love” the “slut” in question. Do they really? After all, we have seen that “slut” is an infinitely confusing term. Its meanings are not always obvious. How is a girl or woman supposed to know if she’s being complimented or insulted?"(62)

"Even when used in a casual, reciprocal way among peers, in person or online, “slut” remains a hammer to nail down the sexual double standard. Do not be fooled by outer layers of friendliness. Beneath lies a judgmental and sexist core. Reciprocal greetings of “Hey, slut” constitute slut-shaming in camouflage. Because it’s performed covertly, slut-shaming is easy to deny and dismiss — even when it’s damaging girls’ and women’s reputations."(164)

[Ik weet niet, hoor, ik vind dat de auteur hier nogal doorslaat. Maakt ze te veel van talige uitingen? Je zou het ook kunnen zien als het verzwakken van de oorspronkelijke betekenis, Zodat het uiteindelijk niets meer betekent. Dat zou vooruitgang zijn. Al zal er dan wel weer een nieuw woord opduiken om mensen te beledigen. De kern van de zaak is dat vrouwen door vrouwen en mannen alleen beoordeeld worden op bepaalde uiterlijke kenmerken en 'normaal vrouwelijk gedrag'. Mensen zijn oppervlakkig en kunnen er niet tegen dat anderen afwijken en veroordelen daarom anderen. ]

"Trying to make sense of this fast-moving twenty-first-century behavior, I first turned to the works of several twentieth-century philosophers of critical theory for whom the power structures implicit in the acts of performance and surveillance play a big role. I wanted to comprehend the psychology of reciprocal slut-shaming. Why has exchanging insults become acceptable, expected, and even desired behavior among young women?" [mijn nadruk] (166)

[O nee, filosofen, waarom nu toch? En Althusser, Foucault nog wel. En dat om uit te leggen wat het moderne Amerikaanse schoonheidsideaal is waaraan je natuurlijk moet voldoen om geen 'slut' genoemd te worden.]

"Today, the aesthetic of pornography determines the ideal of sexiness; achieving a sexy appearance involves mimicking the grooming habits of women who work in pornography."(172)

"Pornographic grooming practices are not just for adult women. Preadolescent girls are now going to spas to get bikini waxes. “For waxing, 12 years old is the ‘new normal,’” Melanie Engle, a Philadelphia aesthetician, told the Today show’s website. Armstrong and Rudúlph note that one New York salon advertises special rates for “virgin” waxing of “virgin hair” (prepubescent traces of hair from pubic hair follicles). “Virgin hair can be waxed so successfully that growth can be permanently stopped in just two to six sessions,” explains the website for Wanda’s European Skin Care Center. “Save your child a lifetime of waxing . . . and put the money in the bank for her college education instead!” The owner told the New York Post she’d seen two hundred child clients in 2007 and advised girls to begin waxing at the age of six. (...) Teenage girls, meanwhile, are turning to breast augmentation; in 2012, over 3,500 girls eighteen and younger underwent this procedure." [mijn nadruk] (175)

[Geen wonder dat de VS zo'n rotland is. En die esthetici / medici maar rijk worden ten koste van de klanten.]

"Even before they menstruate, girls develop an awareness of themselves as sexual objects meant to pleasure guys."(176)

"A woman today knows that her image may be broadcast at any moment to others near and far — prompting her to be hyper-self-aware of her appearance at all times. Men experience the same thing, but men are not judged by their appearance in the way that women are. To Gill, the new internal gaze is particularly exploitative because many women today actively choose to sexualize themselves in the name of liberation, but in the end they are really choosing to be regarded as sexual objects. Girls and women “choose” to represent themselves as “good sluts,” yet their “choice” is made within a regime of surveillance, policing, and self-discipline."(177)

"For the people who create and control social media, girls’ sexuality is also just another thing to exploit. Social media would collapse, it seems, without images of sexualized females." [mijn nadruk] (184)

"Regular girls and young women have come to believe that the perfection of celebrities’ images is attainable — if they discipline their bodies, purchase the right clothes and shoes and bags, and carry the right attitude."(189)

"Behind every act of reciprocal slut-shaming lingers an unspoken question: Which female is sexier? Who has more status? Competitiveness is in the DNA of social media."(196)

"Young male social media programmers just can’t get Facemash out of their heads. Ranking women according to their appearance, they seem to believe, is every man’s right, and every male programmer has a social obligation to help his fellow men fulfill their destinies." [mijn nadruk] (198)

"In a study of 3,500 girls ages eight through twelve, Clifford Nass found that the girls who used social media heavily had fewer positive feelings about their friends than did other girls their age. They also were more likely to have friends whom their parents considered to be a bad influence. Girls who had more face-to-face communication with friends and less online communication were more likely to have healthy emotional interactions."(200)

"Twitter and Facebook are really good for this sort of thing. It’s so easy to make other people jealous, and from my observation it’s girls who are doing this. You would think that it stops after high school, but it doesn’t. In my graduate program, some of the girls are twenty-seven, twenty-eight years old, and they do it all the time. They deliberately post things to hurt other people.”"(203)

[Over de slechte invloed van sociale media gesproken. ]

"Reciprocal slut-shaming boils down to the fact that young females get the quickest and the most validation from sexual attention — not from grades, sports, community service, leadership roles, or participation in the arts. Sexual attention, for many girls and young women, trumps all of those achievements. As a result, they compete with each other on the field of sexuality." [mijn nadruk] (204)

(205) Chapter 5 - “Good Slut” Containment Strategies

"Therefore, to prove they’re not prudes but also not “bad sluts,” to be sexual but not “too sexual,” girls and young women turn to additional strategies:
•     Wearing sexy clothes — tight leggings, bras revealed intentionally, supershort skirts and shorts.
•     Sending guys they barely know sexually suggestive texts, photos, and videos.
•     Hooking up with a guy, but only after getting wasted and being unable to control their behavior, which shows everyone that they’re not really hooking up — they’re not that kind of slut.
These are containment strategies — attempts to be sexually assertive while also establishing a threshold of how far one is willing to go sexually. Essentially, they are methods of exerting limited agency. These strategies nearly always fail." [mijn nadruk] (206-207)

"It’s true that one of feminism’s central goals is sexual empowerment, but this can be achieved only within a context of sexual equality. Within the culture of slut-shaming and the sexual double standard, sexual equality does not exist and young females’ efforts to subvert the system are turned against them." [mijn nadruk] (209)

(211) Strategy #1: Wear Sexy Clothes

"To many young females, it’s as if the feminist victory of sexual ownership never occurred: to them, sexual empowerment means being sexy to satisfy the desires of other people. And as was true before women’s liberation exploded in the late 1960s and 1970s, other people get to judge if one is sexy in the right way or in the wrong way. Along the way, young women’s sexual agency is contained." [mijn nadruk] (213)

"If you admit that you’re deliberately attempting to show off your body, you run the risk of being labeled a slut. Therefore, the only rational thing to do is deny your attempts at sexualization."(220)

"To hide their effort, these women say they are wearing clothes to please themselves — and it’s just a coincidence that they are sexy. Repeatedly the college students I spoke with assured me, “I just like to wear these clothes”; “This is just my style”; “I like to look good for myself.” (...) Some women are refreshingly honest about their clothing strategy. They admit that they choose clothes that make them look sexy but that don’t scream “slutty.”"(228)

"My argument is not that young women need to cover their bodies, although I do believe that high school girls should follow their school’s dress code if one exists. I reject the idea that sexual assault can be blamed on the victim’s attire. Nevertheless, it’s time we had an honest conversation about the sexual messages that high school girls and young women send out to the world when they wear clothes that call attention to their bodies as sexual objects."(229)

[Dat lijkt me een goede insteek. Het klinkt misschien betuttelend en ouderwets, dat wel. De reden waarom je je sexy kleedt moet ter sprake komen. Doe je het voor jezelf of doe je het voor anderen? Als dat al een tegenstelling is. ]

(231) Strategy #2: Send Naked Pictures

[Dit is dus een stuk over sexting.]

"Sexting is another strategy in which girls and young women mistakenly believe that they can control their sexual reputation as a “good slut” and nothing more."(231)

"We don’t know exactly how many teenagers are involved in sexting. According to an Associated Press/MTV survey conducted in September 2009 by Knowledge Networks, 24 percent of fourteen- to seventeen-year-olds, and 33 percent of eighteen- to twenty-four-year-olds, have been involved in “some type of naked sexting,” either by cell phone or on the Internet."(232)

"Today, girls often believe that as long as they send their photo to someone with whom they are in a relationship, they can rest assured that their photo is safe. And in fact, boyd says that most teenagers who do sext are doing so within the confines of a relationship, and that most images are not mass-fowarded."(234)

"When a boy sends a picture of himself, girls tend to laugh. His “dick pic” is regarded as humorous but not shameful. Girls tend not to perceive the self-photographed naked penis as erotic. They also tend to regard the act of photographing one’s penis as being within the bounds of acceptable male behavior, so they don’t see it as scandalous. When a girl sends a picture of herself, however, she’s at risk for being slut-bashed. Her photo or video is seen as pathetic, shameful, and disgusting."(235)

[Ook hier dus de dubbele standaard.]

"Teenagers under eighteen can be charged with a felony under child pornography laws, leading to prison time and sex offender registration requirements — and girls are treated more punitively than boys are.(...) More than twenty states have enacted laws making sexting in some form illegal for minors."(237)

[Leve de VS. ]

"Gong and Hoffman are infuriated by the sexual double standard that was applied in these prosecutions and by the fact that girls were slut-shamed as a result. “If someone chooses to share a photo, and everyone involved has given consent, he or she should not be regulated,” Gong tells me. “Clearly there’s a double standard for sexual activity, especially among young people. Women’s bodies are eroticized in a way that men’s bodies are not.” For a heterosexual girl, “getting a ‘dick pic’ [from a heterosexual guy] is considered hilarious. I’ve never met a female who finds that erotic — whereas pictures of women’s bodies are considered scandalous and salacious. Why are schools and prosecutors concerned about the purity of women’s sexuality but not men’s?”" [mijn nadruk] (239)

[Precies. ]

"Hoffman adds that teens’ sexting makes adults uncomfortable. “It forces people to confront the reality of girls’ sexuality. It forces people to recognize that teenage girls are sexual beings, and that this is what their sexuality looks like. The more social media are integrated into our lives, the more people will use them to explore their sexuality. They are using electronic media to figure out who they are.” Sexting is becoming a routine, normal part of adolescent sexual exploration. But because it produces evidence, it causes adults to panic and moralize. If a couple’s sixteen-year-old daughter says she’s going over to a boy’s home to study but doesn’t return till midnight, they can pretend to themselves that she must be a committed student. If their daughter comes home crying that everyone at school has seen a video of her masturbating, they can’t ignore or deny the truth of her sexuality." [mijn nadruk] (240)

[Ja, morele paniek, alweer. En de druk van mannen en jongens is groot. Wat opnieuw illustrert dat er nooit iets zal veranderen als die dubbele moraal er niet uit gaat en jongens zich totaal anders gaan gedragen.]

"One of the most disturbing aspects of sexting is that many girls seem resigned to the situation. They have become so accustomed to hearing, “I sent you one; now it’s your turn” that they don’t question or fight it. Besides, as scary as the prospect is of having their photo forwarded and shared, they don’t see any other way to get the male attention they desire."(248)

(250) Strategy #3: Hook Up with a Random Guy — Drunk

"Young women who want to have sex but are not in a committed relationship sometimes choose to “hook up” — to have what we used to call a one-night stand. But wait a minute — if they have sex with guys they’re not committed to, won’t they be slandered as “bad sluts”? Indeed they will. To mitigate this outcome, many female college students, and high school students as well, turn to a well-worn coping mechanism: alcohol. They drink excessively not only to deal with the fact that affectionless sex can be demoralizing, they also drink excessively with the hope that being drunk offers evidence that they never intended to hook up in the first place — and therefore cannot be held accountable as a “bad slut” for doing so.(...) You’re exerting agency, but not really. Thus, slut-bashing and slut-shaming are intimately connected with drunken hookups. If slut-bashing and slut-shaming didn’t exist, young females would be less likely to initiate sexual activity while drunk." [mijn nadruk] (250-251)

[Dat denk ik ook. ]

"Of those students, male and female, who do hook up, over four years 40 percent do so three or fewer times, 40 percent do so between four to nine times, and 20 percent do so ten or more times during their college years. So of the students who do hook up, the vast majority do so approximately two times a year, on average. To put things in clearer perspective: By their senior year of college, four in ten students are either virgins or have had intercourse with only one person, according to the Online College Social Life Survey of twenty-four thousand students at twenty-one universities. Many college students, then, are monogamous or minimally sexually active." [mijn nadruk] (253)

[Het valt dus nogal mee met de 'hookup culture'. Conservatieven overdrijven graag, zo blijkt maar weer eens. Morele paniek. ]

"Zeilinger continues, noting that hooking up “is still a largely male-controlled practice. It’s a guy’s game, and even when we tell ourselves that we’re doing it for us, for our own reasons, and that we feel good about it, guys are still in control. They are the ones who dictate that they will not be in relationships, but that they will hook up.”" [mijn nadruk] (256)

"The [vrouwelijke] Penn students said that the many females on campus change their romantic goals from finding a boyfriend to finding a “hookup buddy” — “a guy that we don’t actually really like his personality, but we think is really attractive and hot and good in bed.”"(257)

[En op die manier bevestigen ze zelf het bekende mannengedrag waarvan ze zo'n last hebben.]

"Guys tend to control the direction of romantic heterosexual relationships because of the traditional belief that that’s what guys are supposed to do."(257)

"Hooking up drunk also backfires at the level of physical pleasure. If a woman thinks that her sexual encounter will be worth it, despite its limitations, because at the very least she will have an orgasm, she may be in for a surprise. Research shows that women are much less likely to have an orgasm during casual hookups than in committed relationships. Men aren’t focused on pleasing women in hookups, explains Paula England ... (...) We have no data on how many hookups involve intercourse, how many involve only oral sex, and so on. But anecdotally, girls and women say that random hookups, especially when they’re drunken, are fellatio affairs. When hooking up, females are much more likely to give males oral sex than to receive it." [mijn nadruk] (269-270)

(276) Chapter 6 - “Bad Slut” Coping Mechanisms

"Few who have been slut-bashed — or who have witnessed slut-bashing — go unscathed. For girls in middle school or high school, the experience is traumatic and their actions in the immediate aftermath often are severe. My interviewees who were slut-bashed in adolescence tended to go in one of two divergent directions: either they became excessively sexually active — even if they hadn’t been sexual before they acquired their reputation — or they shut down sexually. Both responses are dangerous for girls’ physical and emotional health. Other girls developed eating disorders or turned to drugs. Tragically, a number of slut-bashed adolescent girls have taken their lives." [mijn nadruk] (276)

[Ik weet niet hoor. Dat is wel erg gemakkelijk qua oorzaak en gevolg. Wie weet hadden sommige meiden tevoren al allerlei problemen - die door pesters waarschijnlijk feilloos werden opgepikt - of kregen ze na de periode van het pesten door andere oorzaken problemen. En het is ook normatief. Wat is "traumatic"? Wat is "excessively sexually active"? Wat is "emotional health"? Dit is weer een slachtofferverhaal. Belangrijk is om te achterhalen waarom meiden of jongens niet in staat waren óf om zich te verweren tegn die pesters óf om zich niets aan te trekken van dat pesterige gedrag. En wat is de relatie met er zo graag bij willen horen dat het ten koste gaat van je zelfvertrouwen? Belangrijk is om jongeren sterker te maken, om ze om te leren gaan met verbale en fysieke agressie. Die slachtofferbenadering maakt alleen maar zielig.]

"We must recognize girls’ and young women’s coping mechanisms not as evidence that young females today are hopelessly wild or misguided, or that their parents deserve an F in child-rearing. Rather, we must take a step back and recognize that their responses are symptoms of the sexual double standard and the culture of slut-shaming." [mijn nadruk] (278)

[Naïef. Ik denk dat 'misguided' zeker kan, zeker in de VS, omdat jongeren zeker qua seks niet goed voorgelicht en geïnformeerd worden en teveel lastig gevallen worden met dat ze erbij moeten horen / populair moeten zijn. En veel ouders maken zich daar wel degelijk schuldig aan. Maar ja, natuurlijk ook de dubbele standaard en zo meer.]

"They are not truly taking ownership over their sexuality because they are behaving defensively in a highly pressured environment of sexual inequality; they are not free agents with real choices. Once again, we see that the sexual double standard restricts girls’ choices, and that the act of fighting back is itself constrained because it too is conducted within the sphere of the sexual double standard."(279)

"If teenage girls had the same level of support at home, they would be less likely to resort to unhealthy coping mechanisms."(282)

[De rol van de ouders is dus wel belangijk.]

"In the real world, girls who “own” the label end up having sex that is unhealthy. Please note that I am not arguing that sex is unhealthy, or even that sex among adolescents is unhealthy. Rather, I’m arguing that sex sought out for reasons disconnected from affection, intimacy, emotional pleasure, or physical pleasure is unhealthy." [mijn nadruk] (283)

[Hier is ze eindelijk duidelijker over wat ze 'ongezonde seks' noemt. ]

"Elizabeth thought of herself as sexually empowered, but she had never been properly educated about what “sexual empowerment” really means."(287)

[Dat is wat ik hierboven bedoelde. Dan volgt er een heel stuk over de 'numbers', het aantal personen met wie iemand seks heeft gehad. Daar wordt naar gevraagd, daar wordt men op beoordeeld. Belachelijk om dat zo belangrijk te maken. ]

"So if oral sex alone does not get counted in “the number,” what does? Unsurprisingly, women tend to be as restrictive as possible so that their number will remain as low as possible. Heterosexual vaginal intercourse gets counted. Oral sex and — yes, this is going to sound strange — anal sex are not counted. In one large-scale survey, approximately 71 percent of adolescents considered themselves virgins even after having oral sex, and 16 percent considered themselves virgins after anal sex." [mijn nadruk] (302)

"Unfortunately, many college-age women tell me that the men in their lives make relationship decisions based on the number of the women they’re interested in."(304)

"Worse, many women I spoke with reported that they do not consistently use contraceptives, because they worry that doing so makes them appear slutty.;"(318)

[Niet alleen dat. Uit reacties van meiden als 'dat is iets voor jongens' blijkt toch ook weer dat ze gewoon niet op de hoogte zijn. ]

"For a girl already depressed or anxious, slut-bashing may be the thing that finally pushes her over the edge and motivates her to take her own life. Even if the majority of slut-bashing incidents don’t end in such horrific outcomes, it’s clear that to stand by while this kind of bullying is occurring and not intervene is unacceptable." [mijn nadruk] (337)

[Ook dat is wat ik hierboven bedoelde. ]

(237) Chapter 7 - The Rape of a “Slut” Is Rape

"The girls in Hlavka’s research did not recognize sexual violence unless it conformed to their limited conception of rape; therefore, as an example, they did not perceive an act of violently forced oral sex as rape because they recognized only violently forced vaginal penetration as an act of rape. Hlavka concluded that the girls in this study “often did not name what law, researchers, and educators commonly identify as sexual harassment and abuse.” As the girls I met with shrugged, This is just normal." [mijn nadruk] (339)

[Dat is toch logisch? Als ze denken dat alleen neuken 'seks' is en niet bv. pijpen en als ze tegelijkertijd denken dat verkrachting altijd met neuken / penetratie te maken heeft dan is al het andere dus geen verkrachting. Dat 'de wet' dat niet snapt is een teken aan de wand. ]

"Girls and women internalize the message that their bodies do not truly belong to them. As a result, they are perhaps more persuadable than ever before to do sexual things to which they do not consent. Sometimes girls and women do want to do these sexual things; they do have sexual desire, and they do want to act on their desire. But under these conditions, when a girl’s body is perceived as “community property,” how do they — and we — recognize where desire stops and coercion begins?"(343)

"Flack’s conclusions are confirmed by Lisa Wade and Caroline Heldman at Occidental College. In their study of hookup culture during students’ freshman year of college, they found that on college campuses, male and female students consider male sexual coercion to be utterly normal. Women constantly “need[ed] to rebuff the advances of men in whom they were not interested,” Wade and Heldman report, and many women consented to “sexual activity they did not desire, seeming to feel it was their only option, despite the absence of physical coercion, threats, or incapacitation.” Several women told Wade and Heldman that they performed fellatio to get rid of men who wouldn’t leave them alone. The researchers found that for many students, sexual coercion “seemed normal or inevitable.” Many men on campus believe it’s normal to sexually take, even without the woman’s consent. Many women believe it’s normal to be sexually taken from." [mijn nadruk] (347)

[Maar wat voor conclusies trekt ze daar uit? Wat moet er gedaan worden om dat uit de wereld te helpen? ]

(390) Chapter 8 - Can “Slut” Be Reclaimed?

"Although it largely fizzled out after 2012, SlutWalk had been the biggest grassroots feminist movement in decades.
The movement’s primary message was that sexual assault is never the victim’s fault. Simultaneously, SlutWalk also demanded that women have the right to be sexual without being slut-shamed. The genius of the movement — the reason it caught fire immediately — was that it finessed the paradox of women’s being sexual without being sexual objects while also connecting this paradox with sexual violence."(392)

"Is the time ripe to reclaim “slut”? Forgive me, sisters; I don’t think so."(394)

[Het idee is dus dat zij het er niet mee eens is om de term te gebruiken als geuzennaam. Ik denk dat dat niet zo'n slecht idee is - zie boven - omdat het de negatieve lading er af haalt, het woord zegt niets meer. Maar zij denkt dat het gebruik ervan hoe dan ook ten koste van vrouwen blijft werken.]

"Instead of being shamed for our sexuality, the thinking has been, let’s take ownership of this label and subvert its meanings. It’s a brave, saucy move with doses of irony and humor mixed in, and one that’s been gestating for a while. Years before the movement sought to rehabilitate the term, I started amassing a closet full of SLUT T-shirts given to me by campus groups after my lectures on slut-bashing. But I’ve never worn them. Simply put, most people aren’t in on the joke, which creates more issues than it solves."(394)

[Het gaat natuurlijk over de intenties van mensen die die woorden gebruiken. Zolang je daar niets aan verandert haalt het allemaal niets uit wat je doet. Is het niet dit woord, dan is er wel een ander. Ik hoor weinig over hoe de dubbele moraal uit de wereld geholpen kan worden, ik hoor weinig hoe we mannen kunnen veranderen.]

"While racism is almost universally denounced—even by some people who may themselves be racially prejudiced—the sexual double standard is largely upheld, which is why feminism remains essential. In this climate, reappropriating “slut” may be riskier than reclaiming the “N” word because the pejorative meanings can’t be pulled away. It’s simply too likely that the effort will backfire, that bias against women believed to deviate from accepted conduct will result, and that violence against these women will escalate rather than diminish."(424)

(426) Chapter 9 - Creative Solutions to Eliminate “Slut”

"But first there is an important distinction to make here: it’s not female sexuality that is dangerous, but the sexual double standard. The way women are treated, not the fact of being a woman, is the problem. We must discard the sexual double standard, which cultivates “slut” as an acceptable label, without rejecting female sexuality. In a world without “slut,” everyone would know that women and men both have sexual desire, that healthy sexuality requires active consent, that sex without consent is assault, and that victims of assault are never responsible for what has been done to them." [mijn nadruk] (427)

[Goed, maar hoe doe je dat?]

"Hollaback! shows the feminist potential of mobile technology. Because of smartphones, anyone victimized by street slut-shaming can document the act and share the details — visually or narratively — with others. All women feel safer because they recognize that women are part of a community that collectively is taking action. Although mobile technology and social media are often used against women by tracking and objectifying their bodies, these tools can be turned around to liberate women from being denigrated as “sluts.”"(431)

[Helpt het aan de kaak stellen van concrete gevallen via sociale media? Het zijn geweldige initiatieven, maar desondanks betwijfel ik of het zo veel oplevert.]

"These individual stories are inspiring. Yet it’s unrealistic to expect that every young woman has the courage, savvy, or energy to fight back individually — nor should we expect a feisty response, on the Internet or in any other venue, to be her personal responsibility. Real change can only occur when masses of people come together to use their power and influence collectively. An emerging social movement called StopSlut is leading the way. Katie Cappiello and Meg McInerney are at the forefront of this effort to educate young people."(445-446)

"There is no good reason that a girl is shamed for sexting while a boy is not, that a woman’s number must be lower than a man’s, that a survivor of sexual assault has her credibility stolen from her along with her bodily integrity. For women to be truly safe, we must eradicate the use of the term “slut.” Only then will female sexuality become transformed from a site of pitfalls to one of positivity and possibility."(455)

[Ik weet niet, wat je moet aanpakken is dat wat er achter het gebruik van dat soort woorden ligt. Ik hoor daar te weinig over. ]